Why am I obsessed with Twilight?

So, I think I've finally driven myself absolutely insane with my Twilight Obsession. Honestly, I check PerezHilton every day just to see if he has any new sighting on Rob Pattinson (helps there is other celebrity gossip on there too, but, mainly, I go for Rob), I have 3 Twilight websites I check probably like 20 times a day (i swear this is not an exaggeration), and I STILL watch the trailers and tv spots Over and over and over, Oh, and now I'm obsessed with the soundtrack (which isn't so much the book/movie's fault, but the music is really good...OH, and Rob Pattinson is on it..YUM). It's so freaking pathetic.

So, I started thinking...what's with my obsession? Seriously, what about the characters am I obsessed with. What about the story makes me think about it, and want to know more? (Maybe the better question is...am I freaking crazy? The answer is probably yes!). I've finally decided it's the romance (duh!), and it's the fact that I feel like I will never have this same type of romance. That's what drew me in, that's what held me in, and that's what I long for.

It hit me today, though, that this is a stupid reason to be drawn to a book. I realized today (and honestly, it was probably long before today that I realized this), that I CAN AND DO have this type of romance. My husband does attempt to do these romantic gestures that make me swoon when Edward does them. BUT, when Adam does them, I snap at him. Tell him I'm a "feminist" and I can do it on my own. "I don't need your help, Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I can't open my own doors", etc. etc.

It's something I've always struggled with: being the girl I want to be, who stands up for women's rights, and fights for equality for all, and who pushes herself to be all she can be, and even more; and the girl who can fall in love, like Bella does with Edward, the girl who can move her body in relation to her love's, the girl who is fine with doors being opened for her, and meals being bought for her, and coats being draped over her shoulders. Am I the only one with this struggle?

I love my husband, and I give him SO MUCH shit, all the time. I yell at him for not being romantic enough...but it never fails that when he is, I yell at him (you spent too much money, you should have let me help, etc. etc.). But than, I become obsessed with the FICTIONAL Character of Edward (although, I am pretty sure I'm in love with Rob Pattinson (it's probably more his accent than him..since, you know, I don't even know him, but you know, details details)). This Fictional character has made me swoon, and I just wish I could feel that way in the real world. I have the man, a wonderful wonderful man who is more than willing to be romantic, and treat me like a princess. But, I never ever give him the chance. I'm afraid that if I do, that somehow makes me less of a woman who fights. Does that make sense?

So, I need to find middle ground. I know it's there, and I know I can walk down that middle ground and still be who I am. I can have romance and be a feminist! Right?? (Ok, if you think I can, could you please give me tips...Thanks in advance).

Anyway...that is why I THINK I am obsessed with Twilight. Good theory...right?